I just psyched/convinced myself out of going to Crossfit this morning
And I need to keep this here so that I remember how ridiculously frustrated I feel with myself. Work needs to stop being the only priority and I need to remember that failure to plan is planning to fail.
160 ft Bear walk (40 ft there and 40 ft backX2) - after 1 round at 160ft, scaled to 80ft bear walk
25 KB swings 28/24 - scaled to 12#
25 Box jumps 24/20 (pause on top of the box) - scaled to step ups on 20in box
25 Toes to bar - scaled to “hanging squats” (because I don’t know what else to call them)
Done in approximately 32:00 (timer didn’t work, there was no power at the box this morning) and I cried at the end of this WOD. It wasn’t like a “boo-hoo” kind of thing, I just sat on my box at the end just completely spent and the tears just started.
It was a very uncomfortable moment for me but (thankfully) the instructor was really sweet. He came to make sure that I was ok and told me that it happens to a whole lot of people. I thanked him and went to stretch and he told me that he was happy that I kept coming back and that it motivates him to see that I give it my all. He also told me not to panic because he decided to scale me back from the 160ft bear walk to 80ft. He keeps commenting about how tight and inflexible my hips are and he saw that I was struggling. He also let me know that if he hadn’t scaled me back, he knows that I still would’ve finished under the time cap. That vote of confidence meant quite a bit to me.
Anyhow, all this is to say that I’m really proud of myself, Crossfit is pushing me physically as well as mentally and for right now, I couldn’t ask for anything more.
I went to a party tonight and had a little anxiety attack about an hour into it. People were dancing and I just didn’t want to take any part in anything and for the first time in a long time I let the introvert in me take over. I literally stood in the corner by myself, talking to no one, biding my time until I could leave.
Once I left, I felt like crap because I had put myself down so much. When does this cycle of negative self-talk die down? I’m so upset with myself for not even trying anything. It’s like I just wanted to fade into the wall and not have anyone even notice.
Forest this, I’m going to try and sleep this off. Tomorrow is a new day.